The Norse Psychologist Files on Thor

Could The End Times be This Bizarre?

Thor came to the writer’s office shortly after the third lesser ice age. Initial presenting symptom was depression on a societal level.

Thor: “My People are weak and unhealthy during the winter. They fish down by the fjords during the winter and don’t get much exercise”

Writer: “Well, sir, That’s not my area of psychology, I’m not a social psychologist, but i’ll do what I can: It’s seasonal depression. Have people build a big community house in each village to work and feast in, encourage an active village social life. Have them do competitions. It keeps the sexual urges going, the adrenaline high, you’ll love it”

Disposition: Client visibly brighter, Showed interest in hammer throwing.

Second Office visit: Post mastodon extinction trauma.

Thor: “My people are much more active now. Great idea, but now I got a different problem: My people are killing each other. They gather in village houses during the winter and share the heat, work space and cooking, but the arguments and fights from the competitions is killing nearly 20% of the population!”

Writer: “Well, sir, I suggest you have them compete with animals instead of hand to hand. We should not harm humans.”

Disposition: Client looking forward to bulking up the population pectorals. Great for hammer throwing.

Urgent office visit. Two generations later: Slaughter Mania.

Thor: “That animals thing didn’t work so good. Now, my people are killing and maiming and torturing each other. They gather in village houses during the winter and share the heat and cooking. But the level of nasty has gone through the roof, since we started bear-baiting. Now it’s more like inhuman mindless rage.”

Writer: “Well, sir, I suggest you deflect the target of the rage, and have the people start telling tales of how they are going to do all those nasty things to the people down south, You know in Persia, India, Siberia, Europe, and especially England and Ireland — your people will love it. Anyway, those countries have riches you can’t even dream of. Like sanitation.”

Disposition: Client senses export potential. Looks forward to hammer throw conventions. And sanitation.

Follow up visit, Current times: Confusion, Attention Deficit, Stress overload.

Thor: “That was a real good idea, and worked pretty good for a few thousand years, but now my people are getting weak. We are exporting our best commodity “inhuman mindless rage” to other folks around the world, and now we no longer have a monopoly on “inhuman mindless rage” and we are losing our edge. In fact some tropical countries are even venturing into “inhuman mindless rage” with incredible success. I’m toast, we are all toast! Ahghghhhhhhhh”

Writer: “Well, sir, I told you that I’m not a social psychologist, but you now have real serious problems with how to deal with reality. That’s my specialty, so keep talking. By the way, have you tried Hare Krisna?”


> So if you see a Norse God chanting ‘Hari Hari’ down the street, with a Hammer in one hand and shaved head under his viking hat, you know it’s the end of the world.

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