Corporate Punishment is Your Path to Financial Security

Good Times in the Slammer!

We recently had a Supreme Court decision that allows corporations to have the same rights of freedom of speech as us human citizens.

Let’s just follow that logic for a moment.

In the world of the future, when Corporations take their place as real citizens of the USA, they must take on real responsibilities. For example, Jury Duty: All employees and Board of Directors must serve on Jury Duty, but they must vote as one juror.

Corporations are efficient – They keep telling that to us all the time, so they can figure out how to do that efficiently. Just give our fat-cats a problem, and they can answer the call.

In the world of the future,when Corporations take their place as real citizens of the USA, they must serve time for criminal offenses. Let’s see how that might work out —

In the world of the future, where General Efficiency has the rights of ordinary citizens:

Salmon- Hey, buddy, what you in for?

Max- I’m Max, I’m the corporate man.

Salmon- Wuzzat? Corporate man? I been here since ‘04 and I ain’t heard of corporate man.

Max- Sheeew, I thought you were an old-timer, don’t you know nothin?

Salmon- Hey, I been in high security for too long. Fill me in.

Max- Ok, Salmon, here’s how it works. Back in ‘13 corporations were forced to give up the rights of citizenship, because they were not "people". So Fucking what.

Max- The corporations fought back, and won those rights in the "Christmas shopper VS Walmart Greeter" riot. Thing is, they have to do the duties of a naturalized citizen.

Max- So, Salmon, corporations have to vote in elections, sit on juries, and serve time for criminal acts. And I ain’t sitting on any jury.

Salmon- So that means you are serving time for some corporation?

Max- Yup, that’s me, I’m "Mr. Whizzy" Max. When near lethal amounts of scum-manium were found in bottles of Mr. Whizzy, heads rolled from Piscataway to Peking.

Max- I hired on as Corporate Fall guy and got a 10 to 15 year sentence. That’s enough for full retirement from General Efficiency, Inc! Along with housing, health and dental benefits for my wife and kids.And Grandchildren.

Max- I got another 3 years before I’m out. After that, the high level of my incrceration earns me a place on the fucking Board Of Directors! Today, I may live like a prisoner, but I’m gonna party like a Corporate FatCat for the rest of my life!

Salmon- Max, I gotta hand it to you.

Max- Yea, In fact, if you are willing to get your sentence extended, I can set you up with some sweet corporate deals that will set you up with great "perks" if you know what I mean.

that's all--