Incredible Advancement In Human Culture
Yes, and when I have a major announcement, I do it here first,Friend.
You might agree that a major advancement in civilization is worthy of announcement. Today I’m announcing the Domestication of Cattle.
Before we had the ability to gather and herd these animals, we must have just…
I have no idea. What about you,Friend? Got any idea what life was like back then?
Your guess is as good as mine, but maybe mine is more wobbly. What do you think? Roving? Hunting? Foraging? What?
Could it be the high-tech version?
Tom: “Hey, Hank, you got a whole bunch of those big four legged things milling around.”
Hank: “Yeah, they ruined my shot. Check out my PentaNicon 20 MegaPix with auto-photoshop image sweetening. Guaranteed to turn your wife into the Mona Lisa.”
Tom: ”Yeah, awesome pix, but what about these big four legged things. We don’t have to run them down anymore, they are right here.”
Hank: “Yeah, I wanted to get a picture of one by this tree here at dawn, so I used some #023 Hawser wove Hemp to drag one over here. Dang-near tore up my transmission on my Hemi320.”
Tom: “Youtied it up?!”
Hank: “Yeah, then I waited till morning. The damned thing started mooing and Shit! by sun up there were a whole bunch of them milling around. Totally ruined my picture.”
Tom: “Hey look, this one is a mama. I bet we can do lots of things with these animals. Seem pretty strong. I know they are good eating.”
Hank: “Hey, Take ‘em, they’re all yours buddy.”
Or what about the valley girl version?
Sue: “I had this totally rad inspiration yesterday! I was sleeping under a tree and one of these things started nibbling the grass near me. Woke me up.”
Nancy:”OMG. You must have freaked!”
Sue: “No, I just grabbed a handful of grass and held it out! And guess what, she ATE IT!!”
Nancy: ”EEWWW, nasty.”
Sue: “Yes, but after a couple more of handfuls, the thing started following me around. She wanted MORE.”
Nancy: “Following you!?Mydaddy can get you a T.R.O. Here is his card.”
Sue: “Well, she wasn’t hurting me, and I just kept leading her up a little canyon where there was lots of grass. I think she’s going to have a baby!”
Nancy: “OMG, did you hear? There are lots of them in there today.Ewww. That was you? i WAS going to ask you over to crush berries together withMYfriends, but you can forget that now!.”
Sue: “Really? OK. This animal thing could be useful. Maybe a way to keep the boys at home, if they don’t have to run out and kill these things. I won’t have to worry about crushed berries!”
Or even momie’s greatest crush?
Alan: “Mommie, look what followed me home from school today.”
Mom: “Alan, I have told you time and time again, we just can not have one of these wild things in our house: The flies and the poop!”
Alan: “Awww, Mom, I’ll be real careful and clean up after her in the cave!”
Mom: “No Way, you are NOT bringing that animal into the cave. Don’t even think of it.”
Alan: “Yea!!! you mean I can keep her outside of the cave? Oh, mom, you are the best!”
Mom: “And if any more show up, you had better be able to find something for them to eat.”
Alan: “Oh, Yes, Mom, I’ll take real good care of ‘em.”
But consider this from nebuchadnezzar and sons?
Researcher: “We have found that if you restrict the movement of these bovine things they tend to gather together and become calmer. They seem to move slowly toward food, whether offered by hand or in nature. The meat, milk, body parts can be really useful, and they will pull and move heavy things for us.”
Executive: “Great. We will put in a ten year, no: thousand year, No better yet acontinualstudy on the best ways to market and monetize this thing: What did you call it? Analysis and cost benefit ratios for future utility of bovine critters? — No that will never catch on. How about “Domestication of Cattle” ? Yeah, that’s sweet. The PR department will love it.”
No matter how the domestication of cattle happened, imagine the improvement in life for early humans. We have milk, food, clothing and power. All wrapped in 2,000 pound packages. No batteries required.