Joe's Small Claims Court / Bar and Grill

--- .

Friend, I have been under tremendous psychic pressure. But now, since I know for sure, that I’m not Oprah’s sister, the Gates of Literary Creation have opened. How long? Who knows. Literary obsessions come and go like boy bands. Here is Joe:

Joe, you know. Judge Joe on TV. One of the most plugged in shows ever. It has reduced the pressure on our legal system, and at the same time made beer sales go through the roof.

Joe became famous while tending bar at the Puking Mule Tavern. Yes,Friend, you and I may have puked our mules together at this very tavern in St. John’s.

As you might know, there are lots of disputes among our almost-working class here in St. John’s, (which may be patient #1 in the global epidemic of almost-working.) Most of these disputes are petty, and Joe had a talent for talking his patrons into flipping coins to resolve disputes.

Joe soon found his customers would just as soon resolve money disputes by watching a live game as by flipping a dime. With an agreeable team matchup and point spread, the plaintiff and defendant’s case would be determined by the game’s outcome.

Joe occasionally made some enemies, but mostly his patrons felt more comfortable with an honest game than a lawyer. And with the beer challenge, most cases didn’t last past half-time. After a while, Joe figure out how to make money as a dispute resolution service. He was able to run more than one dispute at a time.

Joe: “Plaintiff, Defendent: you’ve both been bonded, your case has been OK’ed by the house and all you both parties concerned know the rules. Now you’se guys will be OK with the Pittsburg Steamers against the Washington DoucheBags on a twelve point spread. Defendant: Which side do you want?"

Defendant: Give me the steamers."

Joe: "That OK with you?"

Plaintiff: "Works for me."

Joe: "One of you guys takes a drink anytime in the game and you lose your case. Shake hands. Here’s your first beer. I’ll keep it fresh. Drink up and lose." Joe chuckles kindly: "So lose already so you can buy my beer.” You almost feel sorry for Joe.

During a playoff season, Joe’s ability to have the crowd chant: “Drink, Drink, Drink” after each spectacular play, caused most disputes to get over quickly, and made his sales skyrocket.

Joe started small, with a $250 dollar small-claims limit, but the popularity of the scheme resulted in more and more cases, bigger cases. He even went online and created a network of affiliated bars using his scheme.

Congressional committees, Gaming authorities and Tea-party candidates flooded the network news. It all resulted in a probe by the Justice Department, Court Clerks, County Clerks and Clerics in general. After the Supreme Court was given an "Supossitorius Inna YouEndo" by the Cable Network Industry, Joe was granted an endorsement as Judge in the Experimental Court of Sports Recognition. He became the first Doctor of Laws in the field.

The rest is history. There is even talk of having Criminal cases tried by Joe.

Trial by gladiator. It happened once upon a time, so I’m told.

that's all--