Kiting over to WikiLeaks with one jaw tied behind
I had an appointment this day for more dental work. I have heard that dentists are suffering because people’s teeth have fewer cavities nowadays. As a response, dental research has found that the optimum number of teeth is 128 instead of 32. Clone research is very close to a breakthrough on this topic. Economic research says that four times more teeth will boost profit after taxes by 326% — expect more teeth than you ever thought possible coming to a mouth near your tongue.
Seriously, the kid does good work. A craftsman in training. First he made a kite, maybe 100 foot across, and wired my jaw to it. Starting the wind machine, my jaw kind of sailed into the clouds with me suspended a few feet below. Remember that Dentistry was the third cousin to Benjamin Franklin. Sailing into the clouds makes it likely that lightning will strike, thus slightly numbing my mouth. After the third lightning strike, he declared that if I walk into the light, he will have my new mouth waiting on the other end.
I walked into the light, removed my shoes and belt, put all my belongings into a gray plastic tray, and the pilot said: “We are now in a holding pattern over O’hare Airport. You will not make happy hour at Slim’s unless you can travel through time”
When we landed, Dr. OHSU-Demento did the usual “tap-tap-tap” BS.
It has nothing to do with being careful or thorough. They do that to get those fat government grants to explore the true meaning of the “co-educational” process. Believe it or not. It’s true, Wikileaks has the info!
Seriously, I was in a hurry to get back to St. John’s and found comfort in Slim’s hospitality once I did get back.
But the big, big secret is what happened on the way home.
This is no bull. The Max Light Rail system is on the fritz. Well, actually, not the whole system (It’s really cool) but all the video displays for route and time updates were blinking wildly. All the Trains had the route information “Self Test” flashing along with some hexadecimal crazy stuff.
Maybe it was the anesthetic wearing off, or maybe the dislocated jaw, but I realized that this crazy hexadecimal stuff wasTHE KEY!! Yes, the key to theWikiLeaks super file!
I decoded the whole file, and I want YOU to be the very first to know these important items!!
You may fondle Dismo-Peptol every day!(Crap we have to put up with alla time.)
Wanda Jackson is a retro hottie(Hot like a branding iron)
Truthiness leads to Veteran Assignmet to Thought Reassessment Center by Uncle Brother(speak the truth? Oh, my, my.)
Jesus had a Doctor(I’m waiting for the Hipaa records)
Common House Cats herding Dinosaur(makes ya wanna go “Yeeee HAAA’)
Humanity is doomed. Or at least humorous.
The wisdom of Ugly Betty and Let’s not freak out.
Did I say Humanity is Doomed? Yes, it’s out there folks. But only when the final flight lands at O’Hare.
That’s not going to be soon, as the landing pattern is booked for a> very> long time.
And ifthis ladyhas a say, humor might delay that final landing a bit longer.