SonOfABitch Day!

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Of course I want you to know that itISSummer, and I amNOTwearing long underwear today.

These inner garments are purely decorative, and are in celebration of SonOfABitch Day.

You see, when I got up this fine summer morning, the rain had sent the sun into pilot-light mode.  The day just wore down before it got started. This required me to call Southwick and get in touch with Summer ASAP.

Southwick was in the middle of a long tale that Tommy was telling about his drug smuggling days. Tommy says the manacles in the Swiss prisons are made of chocolate. You can eat through ‘em in about six months, then you get deported. You get out, but you just want more. Sorry, only one set of manacles per prisoner. The rub is that you can never eat your manacles again.

“But what about Summer, you boob!” I shouted to get Southwick’s attention. “Channel His fat ass, Independence Day Highness, and ask him why the temperature is Snafu. The marketing literature he sent to the Town Council had August all over it. We bought his BS and now He needs to deliver!”

Southwick went into channeling mode: “Thank you for calling the Summer Automated Customer Service line, your call is important to us, and may be monitored, we’re making a list and checking it twice, you better not pout, you better not cry. Our options have changed, so put up with any BS we want to say to drive you up the wall.”

I punched Southwick in the operator key, and said “Supervisor!” Immediately, Southwick spewed: “Huh, Yeah, This is Summer.”

“Hey, Buddy, what’s up? Didn’t you punch in today?” — I tried the nice guy approach.

“Well, no. I’m old, and my joints have been acting up lately, and since you fired Spring I had Winter fill in for a couple of days.”

I looked Southwick straight in the eye (I guess that’s what you have to do when someone is doing the channeling thing — It’s new to me) and said: “OK, Summer, but what about the Extended Warrantee you sold the Town Council?”

Summer replied: “If you check sub-paragraph 301.c, it allows substitution of services from any provider in our current network. So, it’s still Summer, PNW style. It’s been known to hail frozen turkeys on the 15th of August in the Pacific Northwest. I can transfer you back to the Customer Service line if you have any more questions, but the call waiting time for the next agent is 3 months.”

And bam! the metaphysical channel closed and Southwick took the Tri-Met 75 back to 3 Gunas Loop. — I yelled “Son Of A Bitch!”

So we have “SonOfABitch” Day on Wednesday, April 6th, 2011. You may wear your decorative undergarments in celebration. Party on, Dudes and Dudettes!

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