Southwick's report on Al's Crotch-Rocket
Hi, this is Southwick. St. John’s Jim had to leave the James John Cafe early to get to a dental appointment. Since the Cafe is at a secret location, it takes quite a while to escort him blindfolded out. He asked me to fill in.
I rent a room in Tommy’s house at 3 Gunas Loop. Roger lives there, too. Roger is a retired Navy Guy. Tommy can’t retire. I’m not sure he can grow up.
Let me tell you about Al’s new motorcycle. No, not Al Pacino but Al who lives next door: He comes over frequently, and is a shining dark star for Tommy to admire. In another galaxy, they might be exchanging dark-force Midi-chlorians. Here, they are just "Street Smart"
Al has had a worse set of woman experiences than any of us. Al’s wife left her kids. Seven and Three year old boys. What the fuck does Al know about how to take care of a three year old boy. So he does what he can with the women he can get to help. He has an aunt that watches the kids four days a week, and that’s great, but friday evenings are baby duty for Al. He loves his kids, but he isn’t a mom, and needs to flex his testosterone.
So Al bought a super-bike. a Suzuki Hayabusa. He calls it his sex-abuza. It’s the Spinal Tap of Motorcycle mojo. A speedometer that goes up to 11. Actually way beyond 11. More like 200MPH territory.
Al was talking about jumping it for show. I’m not sure Al has 2 IQ points to rub together, but we know it’s just babble. A desperate guy with a desperate fantasy.
Instead of just humoring him, Tommy goes into his usual, _I did it first, I did it bette_r brag:
"My family owns half of the St. John’s Bridge. We rented a Matson freighter in 2006 and equipped it with a couple of ramps. I had a pre-production sex-abuza back then. MUCH hotter than the pigs you can get on the street today. Did you know Oregon laws have cut the allowable horsepower to 1/3 of what it could be!? I was going to jump from the freighter, see, over the center span of the St. John’s Bridge, and land back on the freighter as it passed underneath."
Tommy cant pass up a chance to take a dig at Oregon laws, especially about a law that doesn’t exist, and goes on: "We had practiced up at out St. Helens property, and I had all the stuff ready. MAN!!! it really blew me into the air. Had the kick of a mule. And landed nice and sweet. Trouble was, the half of the St. John’s Bridge we own does not include the center span, so we couldn’t get permission to do it"
Tommy ended with: "I wish I had the videos we took at our St. Helen’s place"
Roger, our arbiter of reality, sez: "Yup, That’s what happened"
Al, spends the rest of the night in a funk, contemplating jumping his hayabusa into the Willamette.
Friend, Thanks for coming with me to the junkyard backyard at 3 Gunas Loop.