St. John's Gives Spring the Pink Slip

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I’m walking up into St. John’s early. It’s a little after 8AM. It’s the breezy part of March. Wayne is cutting hair. People are in front of Slim’s enjoying the weather and watching the passing parade. I walk on to Starbuck’s. The thought hits me: “Enjoying the Weather.”

People In Front of Slim’s Enjoying the Weather. That is an indicator of, no… It may be the Most Important, Most Required and Most Reliable Indicator of Summer. Yes, I have said it.  The unimportant facts of high winds, 50’s temperatures, intermittent sprinkles, unemployment, foreclosures or poverty have nothing to do with St. John’s reality.

I hereby declare that March 10, Year of Our Lord 2011. Hebrew Calendar 4th of Adar II, 5771, Hijri Calender Rabi Al-Thani 5, 1432. as St. John’s First Day of Summer.

Spring? Bah. Spring has been 86’ed. The stars have been out of alignment now that we have 13 Constellations in the Zodiac and the cosmic balance can only be restored by dumping Spring.  "Sorry Spring, You have been a good worker, but your last few performance reviews have been, well, not up to our standards. With the rising cost of Indian Summer and Japanese Winter it means you have got to go. Our exit specialist will interview you, give you a specifically tailored exit package. –Sorry about the 401K thing, but you will be receiving offers from our affiliates regarding retraining."

Friend, as for Yours Truly, I have been getting lots of spamvertisements for certification and retraining. Java XXVIX training, Christmas Tree Disposal Technician, Entry Level Beverage Container Re-uptake Technician (earn money at your local recycling station!) , that kind of thing. Last week it was for Microsoft Vassal Certification. This week it’s for Medical Information Coder. Wow, a rewarding career as a cog. The opportunity is endless, a sea of cogs. The sky is the limit. The sky is off limits, actually.

Spring, I ask you: “Now that you have lost your cushy job as the most celebrated season, shouldn’t you consider a real career as a Medical Information Coder? Don’t think of it as “the insurance industry,” think of it as a Career in Mankind’s most noble profession, Medicine. As long as there are buttons, we need you to push them.”

Just think of each button push as a squeeze on the grapes of this century’s wine. The vintage will be remembered for a long time. Just like the great purges of history, most likely not very fondly. But the High Art of this coming age might be incredible.

FootNote:  I wanted to put the Toltec Date here too, so that end-of-humanity folks could continue their count down, but I was unsure if the ISO committee on internet standards has approved ancient Toltec Glyphs for use in e-mails. I really do want to reach out to my readers, you know. In any event the Rapture has already happened. If you are still here, you did not get selected.

It’s OK, me neither: I’m only slightly ahead of the curve on this end-times stuff.  It’s fun. Make up your own seasons.

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